How to tell someone how to treat you

todd · Member

How to tell someone how to treat you

j2e · Veteran Member

Hey Todd --
I'll keep my ears open for that list--I know I've seen something like that in the past, but can't remember where I saw it.
I know what you mean, though. For me, I just have to be honest with people. I've found that in general, there's two types of people--those that do too much, and those that don't do anything to help. I always just tell people--when in doubt, just ask. I never get upset at questions asked...even the so called dumb ones.
Hang in there man!

melissa · Member

I love this list, it is from the guide dogs site (http://www.guidedogs.com/access-meetperson.html

Here goes:

When You Meet a Person Who is Blind

- Treat me as you would anyone else. I do the same things as you do, but sometimes use different techniques.
- Speak in a normal tone of voice. Blindness doesn’t equal hearing loss.
- Talk directly to me, not to my companion. Loss of sight is not loss of intellect.
- When entering a room, identify yourself; when exiting, be sure to mention that you are leaving. Address me by name so I will know you are speaking to me.
- Don’t worry about using common, everyday words and phrases like "look," "see" or "watching TV" around me.
- If I look as though I may need assistance, ask. I’ll tell you if I do. If I am about to encounter a dangerous situation, voice your concerns in a calm and clear manner.
- Pulling or steering me is awkward and confusing—it’s really not helpful. Avoid grabbing my arm, and please don’t touch my dog’s harness.
- Ask, "Would you like me to guide you?" Offering your elbow is an effective and dignified way to lead someone who is blind. Do not be afraid to identify yourself as an inexperienced sighted guide and ask for tips on how to improve.
- If you leave me alone in an unfamiliar area, make sure it is near something I can touch— a wall, table, rail, etc. Being left out in empty space can be very uncomfortable.
- Be considerate. If you notice a spot or stain on my clothing, tell me privately (just as you would like to be told).
- Be sure to give useful directions. Phrases such as "across the street" and "left at the next corner" are more helpful than vague descriptions like "over there."
- In a restaurant, give clear directions to available seats. Your offer to read the menu aloud may be appreciated, but you shouldn’t assume I would not want to order my own food.
- When the food arrives, ask if I’d like to know what is on my plate. You can describe the location of food items by using clock positions: "Your coffee is at 3 o’clock"; "The sugar is at1 o’clock."
- Leave doors all the way open or all the way closed—half-open doors or cupboards are dangerous. Don’t rearrange furniture or personal belongings without letting me know.
- Be sensitive when questioning me about my blindness. This is personal information and boundaries should be respected.

MissDottie · Member

One of my teachers said to me once, "Only you know what you need." That's something I've had to remember and repaet to myself often. I can't expect people to automatically know how much help I need and when and how to give it. I have to communicate my needs. This requires me to be patient with the people who don't always react in the way I would like.

Most people are willing to help, they just don't know how. In fact, most people don't even know how to ask. They're afraid of offending me. That's where respect comes into play. If I treat them with respect, they are more likely to return the respect.

Example: I was in line at the school cafeteria and someone asked the friend I was with "Why are her eyes like that?" I just turned around and answered the question as if they had actually asked me instead of my friend. Then I politely said, "Next time, if you want to know something, you can go ahead and ask me. I don't mind." It defused the awkwardness of the situation a lot more than if I had acted on the fact that i was a little bit offended.

Hope this helps.

j2e · Veteran Member

That's a great point. That used to happen in restaurants a lot with me. The server would ask my wife "what does he want?"
My wife and I worked it out, so if that ever happens, she'll say "I don't know. Why don't you ask him." People usually get it then. But that does bring up a good point, that it's good to have a plan in place with the people you are with. So if an awkward situation does come up, then the person that's with you will also know what to do.

MissDottie · Member

Also, you know, it's not always going to be a negative situation. As much as I dislike only being seen as "that blind lady" it was recently a good thing.

I was in a local restaurant I frequent and a patron there noticed I was blind. He talked with me about his daughter who has multiple disabilities and asked if I knew of specific ways to help. Because of my line of work I was able to give him references that could really make a difference in what he and his family were struggleing with.

j2e · Veteran Member

MissDottie wrote:

Also, you know, it's not always going to be a negative situation. As much as I dislike only being seen as "that blind lady" it was recently a good thing.

I was in a local restaurant I frequent and a patron there noticed I was blind. He talked with me about his daughter who has multiple disabilities and asked if I knew of specific ways to help. Because of my line of work I was able to give him references that could really make a difference in what he and his family were struggleing with.

Yeah, don't mean to sound like everyone out there is bad or uneducated. I often find that children are the best to deal with because of their honesty.
A great experience that happened to me recently was at a U2 concert. One of the crew members approached me on the main floor and asked if me and my buddy would like to go up into the ellipse. (that's the inner circle right in front of the stage) Without hesitating, I stuck my hand out to receive one of those special wristbands that gets you in. It's not that the guy felt sorry for me, it's because they only allow a certain number of people inside the ellipse. So even though it's closer to the stage, there's much more breathing room inside. He just figured that I'd have a better chance of survival by going up front....and who was I to argue! :-)

-- Edited by j2e at 15:51, 2006-06-06